Sunday, August 25, 2013

Pondering hoods - Kink Of The Week

I distinctly remember the first time I saw someone wearing a hood. It was a beautiful slave, at a party. Her master had her on a leash and she was wearing very high heels. The hood was made of leather and covered her head completely. She could not see anything. She completely depended on him for guidance. She was very calm and he was very nonchalant, walking around with her casually. Tying her to a post sometimes, showing her off. All I could think was: "I want a hood like that".

The next time I saw hoods was when I was in California. A good friend took me and his slave to some stores. One of them had the biggest collection of hoods I had ever seen. We were shopping for a kinky dress and I was too shy to tell them I wanted to try one of the hoods. So I admired them secretly. They looked great. Leather hoods, latex hoods, gas masks, hoods with openings, hoods without openings. Just looking at them made my knees weak.

A hood shows form. It is round and smooth. To me it shows perfection. I love looking at people wearing hoods. I can't keep my eyes off them. You know there is a person inside. But that doesn't matter. All that matters is the perfect form and the complete surrender of that person to his or her Master. Giving up their personality, being anonymous. I want to touch the leather. Or the latex. Or whatever fabric it is made from.

I love hoods. As I wrote earlier in the post that lists my kinks, I love wearing hoods, even more than I like watching people wear them. It makes me surrender completely. I don't have to watch out for what comes next. I can hear everything much clearer, but more distant at the same time. When I wear a hood, I know all my imperfections are hidden. All I have become is a body. It calms me. Lately I have come to a realization though. I tend to withdraw when I surrender. When I am wearing a hood, I can concentrate on the other person for a while. But soon it becomes harder and harder. I register sensations, but nothing else. I can't interact anymore. I can't talk coherently. I can't think. I just am. It feels great. I am in subspace. It feels like I am in heaven. But it is really difficult to serve someone well when I am in that state. I can't focus on him. I can hear, but not really understand. I can obey, but not concentrate. He can use my body, but not count on my mind. Which makes me wonder. Why do dominants like their subs and slaves in a hood?

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Kink related song - 30 days of kink

Day 9. Post a kink related song or music video you enjoy.

I enjoy different type of songs. Sometimes I hear something kinky in the lyrics. Sometimes the music brings me to a submissive place. Sometimes a voice can take me to a dark place. Sometimes the combination brings back memories. 

One day at bondage night, our host played a song for us by Rammstein. It is a German band. The lyrics are posted here, with their English translation. It really is the only kink related song that is perceived as such by everyone.

What I like about this song is its directness and the rawness. I like lots of different types of music, from David Bowie to Eminem. From Roxy Music to Korn.  What I like depends on my mood, the venue, the company I am in, the occasion. Most songs I associate with kink because I heard it at a play party. Or because I am kinky and I interpret the text that way. With the exception of this song. Sometimes I enjoy it. Sometimes it annoys me. Sometimes I laugh at it. But it is always a kink related song, no matter how I look at it or how I feel. And other people think so too, as the text on youtube states:

" Ich tu dir Weh" (I hurt you) is the second single from the 2009 album Liebe ist für alle da by the German band Rammstein. Mainly because of the sado-masochistic content of this song, the album was placed on the "index" maintained by the German Bundesprüfstelle für jugendgefährdende Medien. In May 2010, the original uncensored album and the single were unindexed and consequently released in Germany."

I am happy I got this day out of the way and can return to more interesting parts of the series....


Sunday, August 11, 2013

Kinky image - 30 days of kink

Day 8: Post a kinky image you find erotic

This is my first Sinful Sunday post and at the same time day 8 of thirty days of kink. Whenever I surf for porn, I look for images or videos that show women being used by more than one man. I was in a gang bang once. It was perfect: Mr Reg orchestrated the whole event and I was used by 5 men. It is something that I love to watch on and would love to experience more often ....

my first gang bang

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Sinful Sunday

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

I need a different mindset

I need a different mindset. A lot of what I write here is about me. That has several reasons:  I can't presume to know what the people I interact with think, feel or want. And I don't want to invade their privacy by describing here what they do and what they think, say or feel. But it is also because I am very busy thinking about myself.
When I displease one of my Masters (My state changed recently, MrReg has decided to share me with someone, but that is the topic of another blog. Maybe), I am upset because he is upset with me. Or angry with me. Or annoyed with me. Or displeased with me. Not because I displeased him. Or upset him. Or made him angry with me. Or because I annoyed him.



Today I was running. When I run I think a lot. About work. About my relationships. What is said to me. What it means. The other day I was told I was being selfish. I realized that after not talking to him all day, I was thinking about him. Not about how I felt about him, but how he might be feeling and I was genuinely upset because I disappointed him in a time like this. Not because I disappointed him, but because he was disappointed and displeased. The fact that I was the person who did that makes it worse, because I am supposed to be dedicated to him. To serve him. And to want to please him. Not please him because it makes me feel good. But please him because it makes him feel good.

I need a different mindset. And I am working on it.

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