Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Am I promiscuous? You tell me!


  1. having many transient sexual relationships
  2. demonstrating an unselective approach; indiscriminate or casual
Am I promiscuous? Let's see...

No I am not

I used to be, before I met Mr Reg. I wrote about that in a previous post. I am not promiscuous anymore: I don't have many transient sexual relationships. I do have more than one sexual partner, but in general they are not transient, they last over a period of time. And I don't have many, just a couple. And I most certainly don't demonstrate an unselective approach.  I don't want to have sex with just anybody. There needs to be something that attracts me. There are things I like, and things I don't like. These things can be physical, mental, psychological or behavioral. And I prefer situations where there is a click and we meet more often than just once.

Yes I am

If you look at it from another perspective, I am very promiscuous. Compared to most married women, I have many sexual relationships. Because the norm in our society is one. And these relationships can be considered transient if you compare it to a 15+ years marriage. You might say they are casual: I don't expect anything in return: I am not looking for something specific, or a commitment. I don't have an intense relationship with my other sexual partners, compared to the relationship I have with my husband. And in some situations I am indiscriminate: if Mr Reg wants me to have sex with someone, I have sex with that person. No questions asked. And in my (one time) experience with a gangbang, I demonstrated extremely unselective and casual behavior: I was not very interested in the people that were participating (fucking me). I simply enjoyed the experience and the feeling of being used.

You tell me

I have been married for 17 years now.  Our marriage has evolved from a vanilla relationship to a M/s relationship. I don't think I could be more dedicated to anyone than I am to Mr Reg. I love meeting new people. I do have other sexual partners. They are not committed to the relationship, and neither am I. I do value them, as I described before. I hope they last for as long as it works out for all people involved. They all enrich my life in their own way and I appreciate that. I enjoy every aspect of it. It makes me happy. Thinking about it makes me smile.

So........ you tell me: am I promiscuous?

Curious who else is participating this week? Click on the image below to find out!

Wicked Wednesday... be inspired & share...

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

The play area of the cabin was located where the dining area used to be. It was small, but very well equipped: a sling, a spanking bench and plenty of hooks to tie me up. After exploring the cabin, I was told to undress. A couple of hours later, our friend arrived.

They threw me over the spanking bench. My hands were tied to the legs of the bench, then my feet got the same treatment. I could not move and my ass was exposed to them. They took turns beating me. Sometimes with their bare hands, sometimes with a whip or cane. It was hard to submit to it, because the two men used different rhythms and force. I tried to relax my muscles and concentrated on their voices. They were talking to each other sometimes and to me at other times; after a particularly harsh blow or something that startled me. Sometimes they would caress me, instead of beating me. The feeling of their big hands on my hot buttocks felt great. They checked every now and again to see how aroused I was by sliding a finger in my pussy. It was hard to tell whose finger it was, only if they commented I knew who was touching me.

They put me in the sling and blindfolded me. Taking the beating on my breasts and pussy proved to be very difficult. I tried to avoid the blows and became very restless. Being exposed like this made me feel extremely vulnerable. They told me to lie still and stop moaning. I tried but failed. They untied me and Mr Reg went looking for some needles. He handed them over to our friend. The thought of the needles sent a surge of panic through my body. I was standing close to him and whimpered "No, please, No". I stepped away, with my blindfold still on. He answered threateningly "What are you saying? Are you saying no to me?!?" I immediately stepped back into his reach "No Sir I am sorry". He grabbed my hair and told me to hold still while he stuck the needle in my breast. I submitted, I was no longer fighting it. I was completely relaxed and floated away.

It turns me on. Whenever I think about his reaction to my plea. Immediately, like a button being pushed. Writing about it, has the same effect ...

click on the link below to see who else is participating in Wicked Wednesday this week!
Wicked Wednesday... be inspired & share...

Friday, May 3, 2013

Face slapping

Kink of the week: face slapping

As I wrote on my list of kinks, I like being dominated and I like pain. Face slapping mainly falls in the first category: to me it is part of being dominated. It makes me feel submissive, vulnerable and horny. This has two reasons: First of all, it is very up close and personal; especially if you compare it to be being spanked from behind on the back or the ass. When Mr Reg slaps me in my face, he is close physically and looking me in the eye. Using his hand. Second, being slapped in the face scares me. If he slaps me too hard, he leaves a mark. If he slaps me too hard, he might hurt my brain. If he slaps me while something is in my mouth (like his cock), he might hurt my jaw or teeth.  Face slapping is dangerous; as Frugal Domme puts it in this post: you can't do it safely you can do it safer.

Being slapped in the face makes me feel submissive, vulnerable and horny. Mr Reg slaps me in the face for different reasons: sometimes to grab my attention, sometimes to punish me during play. Some people find it insulting, but it never has that effect on me. It feels more like a reprimand or a claim. As soon as I feel the slap, I can feel my body relax and my mind submit to him. I like the burning feeling on my cheek, but I dislike the feeling of my brain hitting my skull or my teeth against his hand.

Being slapped in the face makes me feel submissive, vulnerable and horny. Because of the danger, it excites me. Because it is so personal, it makes me very aware of Mr Reg and the mood he is in. I am completely focused on him. Waiting for his next move. Wanting to comply or accept whatever comes next.

Kink of the Week

Wednesday, May 1, 2013


The prompt for Wicked Wednesday this week was "Take a comment that was left on one of your blog posts and turn it into a new post"

One comment came to mind immediately, the one left by Molly on my post from last week. She wrote "Sounds like you have a really great group of people to learn and explore with. I think having a supportive community is such a great thing"

Before you read on I have to warn you: this is not a piece about sex, or erotica, or any of the topics that are supposed to be part of Wicked Wednesday.  It is about communities and why I think we should stop talking about them.

Fitting in

Ever since I can remember, I didn't fit in. In elementary school I did not fit in. I was not a very girly girl. I liked to hang out with boys. Then there was a group of girls that did not belong either that I spent time with. I did not really like them, and I don't think they particularly liked me. We had very little in common. The same was true with the field hockey team I was part of. They liked me in the team because I was fast. But I did not fit in with most of them. In high school the same thing applied. I did not really fit in with a specific group. In fact, a couple of years back at a reunion, one of my classmates told me "You were always different, you were part of our group and at the same time you weren't". I think he hit the nail on the head with that remark. Mind you, I had friends. And I was not unhappy or being bullied. I got invited to parties, had my first sexual encounter, threw parties and went on vacation with my friends. I was just a little different. Being part of a group was not really an issue in college: there were a lot of students. There was a group for everyone, so to speak. Or if you look at it from a distance: no distinct groups. I hung out with people I liked. People from my old high school class and some new people I met during class, at parties, at the paper or through other friends.


When we moved to the US I became part of the expat community. Not because I wanted to be part of that community, but because I was an expat and I needed people to talk to who would understand my position. After a while we also got American friends or acquaintances. I went back to school, Mr Reg worked, and we were part of both the local community and the expat community. As I wrote before, we started with BDSM a couple of years ago. We started to meet with other people that share our interest in BDSM. We created a profile on Fetlife and met some wonderful friends that we practice bondage with every other week. We sometimes go to a party or a munch. Apart from people that practice BDSM, Mr Reg and I like to meet other people. For sex, love, friendship, dinner, talk or whatever is appropriate. One could say we have become part of the BDSM community.


Since we started this journey, I have met several people who have distanced themselves from 'the BDSM community'. When they tell me that, I always wonder what that means. Are they distancing themselves from me? From my friends? From the groups that hold munches and parties? From munches and parties? From a set of specific people? From 'bad people'? People they don't agree with?

The other day I read a post by Franklin Veaux on Poly identity and the poly community. His post is a reaction to another post that was venting critique on the poly community in the UK. They are both talking about the poly community like it is something that you can identify or point to. And complain about the people in it. Franklin states that he has distanced himself from the BDSM community but still practices BDSM. He has not distanced himself from 'the poly community'. At the same time he makes a distinction between being polyamorous and being part of the poly community. It confuses me.

Online communities complicate matters even further. Distancing yourself from the online BDSM community... what does that mean? You delete an account? You don't play online? You don't talk to people online? What if you know them in real life? Or...or... well.. you get my point.


Now back to the original comment by Molly. The group of people we see every other week have become very good friends. We have met a number of wonderful people since we became 'kinky'. We have met people at parties, at our bondage night, at munches, and there are people that I have met online. Some of the people I have met online are now friends 'in real life'.  I have started this blog and twitter about our kinky life. Now does that make me part of the BDSM community? Or of the sex blogger community? Or of the poly community? And which one? The Dutch one? The online one? I guess communities are convenient because they give us a way to meet like minded people. And to make you feel like you fit in. But as my experiences in school, college and the US have taught me, there is no group of people with whom you ever have a perfect fit. There is no such thing. We are all different, even if we have something in common. And sharing one character trait or interest, does not mean we share political views, ethical values or even have to like each other. That is why we should stop talking about communities. We are wasting our energy talking about groups of people, generalizing about their beliefs and behavior (good or bad). All that counts is the people. The people that have become our friends. The people with whom we share an interest. That laugh with us when we have something joyful to share and that cry with us when sad things happen. People who have wonderful stories and bodies and minds to share themselves. With whom we laugh when something good happens to them and with whom we cry if they hit a rough spot in life. I don't care what their designated community is. I don't care if they consider themselves part of that community or not. To me they are just great people. And I am very happy they are in my life.

Wicked Wednesday... be inspired & share...