Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Thirty days of kink - day 2

Day 2: List your kinks

This made me think. What is a kink? I am writing about 30 days of kink to get my blog started. The other day, I defined my kinky self. That is not hard, the definition is up to me. But listing my kinks is different. Is a kink the same as a fetish? Or a hobby? Or something I like that 'society' or vanilla people think is weird?

What is kink

I don't like reinventing the wheel, so let's see what  Wikipedia has to say: In human sexuality, kink describes a range of practices: spanking, tickling, bondage, dominance and submission, sadomasochism, cuckoldry and sexual fetishism. Kinky practices go beyond what are considered conventional sexual practices as a means of heightening the intimacy between sexual partners. Some draw a distinction between kink and fetishism, defining the former as enhancing partner intimacy, and the latter as replacing it.While others define "kink" as lesser (possibly socially acceptable) form of fetishism. Because of its relation to "normal" sexual boundaries, which themselves vary by time and place, the definition of what is and is not kink varies widely as well. Practitioners are sometimes considered to be perverts by "outsiders".

So according to that it is a practice, something that you do. And it is sexual. To me, it is broader, I have included watching or listening to things that make me feel excited or happy or content that are considered out of the ordinary by most people. So going to the sauna or having sex with women is out (mainstream and accepted here), being in a vacuum bed or watching somebody in a full body latex suit is in. To me, sex is part of the kink, not the other way around. I have not listed things I would like to try, just things I have experienced.

My list

  1. Being controlled. Not having to think. Listening closely to the instruction and following it to the letter. Suffering consequences for doing it wrong. Being in the moment, nothing else. Forgetting myself.
  2. Being dominated. It is similar to being controlled, but has a very different effect on me. I like people that are self assured, confident and convinced they know how something is supposed to work. Being dominated makes me think about the dominant and myself. It makes me want to do something the 'correct' way. I like to please and to do things I don't want or like to do myself, just for him or her, things that throw me off balance, feeling forced to do or say something. Being pushed beyond my boundaries. I am not forgetting myself, but I am painfully aware of myself, and focused on the other person. 
  3. Being used sexually by more than one man. A gang-bang, or a threesome makes me feel completely satisfied. Whether I cum or not. It makes me forget myself.
  4. Pain. I love receiving pain, especially stinging pain from canes, whips, dragon tails, spanking, etc. Both as a reward and as punishment. Like dominance, it makes me acutely aware of the person inflicting it on me and of myself. The interaction can be very intimate.
  5. Orgasm control. Having to ask for an orgasm. Being forbidden to cum during sex. Anything to do with it. Mr Reg took a away the rule for a month, making it OK for me to orgasm whenever I wanted. It was a horrible month, orgasm-wise. Having the rule excites me, it makes me aware of myself and focused on the person who is controlling my orgasm.
  6. Being constrained by rope, locked up in a cage or being told to stay in a certain position. Being ignored. Again it makes me forget myself, I just am, living in the moment.
  7. Latex suits, vacuum beds, and other implements that show a human form, without any of the details. I have been in a vacuum bed twice, and really liked the combination of the fabric (latex) and being constrained. I am not so much into wearing latex, but I love looking at it, and touching people that wear it. See for example the site of eurocats suits, and this you tube movie.
  8. Hoods and masks. Maybe for the same reason as latex suits and vacuum beds. I love both wearing them and watching other people wear them. I love the smell and the feel.
  9. Watch Mr Reg please or hurt somebody else. I love the way the subject of his attention looks at him in admiration, mixed with fear and trust. This is a recent addition, we haven't practiced it a lot (yet). It makes him wildly attractive to me.
That concludes day 2, list your kinks, somewhat in order of importance. It would be interesting to see what the list looks like in one or two years. I don't think my personality or my inclinations will change very much. But specific kinks might wear off, and new ones might emerge. I will revisit the list next year, to see what has changed :)

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Thirty days of kink - day 1

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

The first part of this question is really easy for me: I am submissive. I have had these feelings for as long as I can remember, even as a child. They have only become stronger over the years. However, it took me a long time to acknowledge and accept them.

My kinky self

Answering the second part, the meaning of BDSM and kink is more complicated. I am always in the process of defining my kinky self. Evolving, growing, tumbling down, and getting back up again. A big part of it is submitting to someone who can control me.  It has always been a thrill, and still is,  to meet dominant people. I very much enjoy different styles of dominance: sexual or non-sexual, control by commanding or control by manipulation, verbal or non-verbal. My kinky/submissive part is as much part of me as any other part. I can't switch it off and on at will. I just am who I am, body and mind.

Another part of my kinky self is my masochistic side. I love being spanked, whipped, caned, or slapped. I like to be helpless and bound, not knowing what the other person is going to do next. The pleasure of pain in combination with submission is pure bliss. I also crave pain as a punishment or a means to calm me down. I have a tendency to lose focus and paradoxically to obsess about things people say or do and have a somewhat addictive personality (both biological and psychological). Pain and submission calm me down and put me in a state of acceptance and relaxation.

Our kinky relationship

MrReg and me have been married for 17 years. The first 12 years we had a monogamous vanilla relationship. This changed five years ago and BDSM became part of it, mainly in the bed room. About two years ago, we changed our dynamic from a D/s to a M/s relationship. It doesn't mean I am a service slave. To us it means that MrReg controls me completely, without limits. I have been with MrReg for such a long time, that I trust his judgement completely.  Which doesn't mean I always agree with him. It just means it doesn't matter if I agree with him and that I am comfortable with that. It also doesn't mean he doesn't value my opinion. It just means he determines how important my opinion is and I am happy with that too. Apart from changing the 'rules' of the power exchange, the rules of our sexual relationship have been changed too, we are no longer monogamous. I am owned, but I am allowed, or better yet, supposed to have sex with other people. Both with MrReg and by myself. It enriches our lives. It complicates our lives. It makes life fun and makes me realize over and over again how much I am in love with and dedicated to MrReg. Hence the title of this blog.

Apart from being a fun-loving, proud slave and a masochist, I am independent, headstrong, smart and impatient. Combining these two sides has been and continues to be a challenge for me. I like my fun-loving submissive side better, and I hope one day I will find the perfect balance............ A girl can dream right ;)