Saturday, February 2, 2013

Looking for something?

The other day a friend asked me how many people I've had sex with in my life. I could not reproduce the number off the top of my head and started to count. I told him that in the last five years I've had sex with 2 women and 10 men (5 in a gang bang) and in my entire life with 3 women and 20 men. I am not counting kissing or fumbling. We talked about how many women he has 'on his list' and discussed whether having a lot of experience is a good thing,  a source of frustration or depression, or a sign of insecurity. It was a brief conversation on whatsapp, but it got me thinking. I remembered two more men. I decided to make an actual list to make sure I can recall every single person I've had sex with. The official statistic right now: 26 men (5 of them in a gang bang) and 3 women. At a dinner conversation a couple of days later the list came up again. The girl confessed her list was much longer than mine but that she was now in a monogamous relationship with her Dom/lover. The conversation we had at that dinner about polyamory and open relationships inspired me to this blog post.

Being a slut

You might wonder why I made the distinction between my entire life and the past five years. The answer is simple: I slept with a lot of men (and a woman) before I was married, looking for something or someone. Feeling acknowledged and worth while if someone had sex with me. Trying to remedy insecurities about my looks, avoiding being alone, being angry with my boyfriend or just being plain drunk. Most of the sex was disappointing, not because of my partners but because of my own motives. Some stand out in a positive way, of course, but in general my sex life sucked because I did not like nor understand myself.

Being married

After Mr Reg and me got married we were monogamous for a long time (12 years) and we did not practice BDSM or any other kinks. We were the average couple. Five years ago this all changed. We moved from a vanilla relationship to a D/s and then, two years ago, to a M/s relationship.

Including other people

Mr Reg likes me to have sex with other men (and women). And I am supposed to enjoy it. At first I was apprehensive. It reminded me of the past and my previous self. And I was not looking for anything anymore. I am happy with our relationship, so why go through all the trouble.  I liked having sex with other people if he was there, but mainly because it was a form of pleasing him. After a while I started to allow myself to enjoy it, enjoy the newness, the feeling of different hands on my body. A different body to get close to, different reactions to my touch and things I say or do. Allowing myself to enjoy the physical experience and the excitement of a new person with a different view on life. Now I am at a stage where I relish meeting new people both because of their body and their personality. They enrich my life, spice it up and make me feel appreciated. But every encounter also makes me appreciate Mr Reg more. Both because he lets me have this rich life and because it makes me realize he is the person I want to be with and whom I love.


Are we swingers? No not really. We look for more than just casual sex with random other couples. Polyamorous? I don't know, maybe. So far the friendships have not evolved to love. In an open relationship? No not really, I am owned. But then again I can look for my own friends or partners, as long as I run it by Mr Reg. So I don't know what our relationship should be called. I do know that I am no longer looking for something but I that I have found a lot. More than I could ever have imagined. And I like it. To put it mildly ;)

1 comment:

  1. To start with your last paragraph: it's funny that I did a post on this very same subject - which label should we have. Only thing, my post is scheduled for some time in March ;)

    Also, your post has me thinking about the sexual partners I had and I might just have to follow your lead and make a list too. If you don't mind...

    We love to include other people too and up to now it has really enriched our lives to an extent that we have not expected. There's only one difference for me: I am not allowed to date with anyone without Master T present.

    Our lives are so exciting!

    Rebel xox

    PS: I love the way you write!