Wednesday, August 7, 2013

I need a different mindset

I need a different mindset. A lot of what I write here is about me. That has several reasons:  I can't presume to know what the people I interact with think, feel or want. And I don't want to invade their privacy by describing here what they do and what they think, say or feel. But it is also because I am very busy thinking about myself.
When I displease one of my Masters (My state changed recently, MrReg has decided to share me with someone, but that is the topic of another blog. Maybe), I am upset because he is upset with me. Or angry with me. Or annoyed with me. Or displeased with me. Not because I displeased him. Or upset him. Or made him angry with me. Or because I annoyed him.



Today I was running. When I run I think a lot. About work. About my relationships. What is said to me. What it means. The other day I was told I was being selfish. I realized that after not talking to him all day, I was thinking about him. Not about how I felt about him, but how he might be feeling and I was genuinely upset because I disappointed him in a time like this. Not because I disappointed him, but because he was disappointed and displeased. The fact that I was the person who did that makes it worse, because I am supposed to be dedicated to him. To serve him. And to want to please him. Not please him because it makes me feel good. But please him because it makes him feel good.

I need a different mindset. And I am working on it.

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  1. Ha! I do a LOT of my thinking at Zumba, it is a really great time to just let me brain wander


  2. I totally follow your mindset, and I myself have come to some crossing roads on where to go. I need to work on my mindset too and get rid of the unrest in me permanently.

    Rebel xox

  3. Thinking time is very important just like "you" time is important. You will get there working out what it is you need to do and it will probably be easier and more simple than you imagine.

    ~Mia~ xx